🔗 Share this article

The current year signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {